The Heart Speaks...

It's been a while since my last blog. I don't really have anything to blog about other than just sharing what I found over the Net. But today, I just feel like typing something.

First, let's talk about the state of mind that I'm in right now. If my state of mind is like a drink, I have passed my watermelon sweetness phase, bitterness of a Brazillian coffee, etc. If you ask me, I prefer to reflect my mind as being a plain water (Kelantanse will phrase it as tawar hebe)

Let's just reflect what had happened in my personal life (I'll try to not let my emotions cloud the way I'm typing here). It's been about what, 1 year 9 months-ish since the unfortunate event. Well, things went well before that, till one day I was told as being boring, having no sense of commitment, yada3 (which I admit anyway as my weakness). And then we sort of..drfit apart from each other. As time goes by comes this thing about this 3rd guy coming into the picture, of how he's doing something not cool to get her, bla3. Then comes the yoyo phase, whereby she suddenly texted me to say she had a bad dream about me and all, treated me to my birthday dinner and all of a sudden, not answering my calls and smses (I have stopped hoping then). Then comes the picture. Please don't get me started on that picture. I started listening to The Fray's Heartless over and over again, my brain starts to go cuckoo and my grey hairs breeds like crazy!

Now comes a new chapter in my life story. I got a crush on someone at work (at the moment probably I'm just the one who syok sendiri of having a fling). Heck, I even found out that there is someone in the other department who had a crush on me! Talk about playing the game eh. But then I realised that it will probably not work in the future. I just don't feel that we're compatible to the 'happily ever after' state. Plus, my stupid company has enforced this stupid policy on marriage. Apparently you can no longer got married with someone within the same company. Fuck...There goes my chances. Now what the hell am I supposed to do now to find my prospects outside work, now that inside work is a no-no? Perhaps I should start Facebook-ing again...We'll see about that...

I don't think I'm living the past now (now that I got myself occupied with work, but now and then flashbacks are triggered when I look at the little tortoises on my Crocs), but also I'm not living the future. Of course I have started saving myself financially, thinking that 11 Nov 2011 (11/11/11) is a good date to get married, but then in the mean time, I'm just living the present, and I know I can only live the present for so long. I have to look forward to the next stage in life.

To Papa, Mummy and Yaya, you have been my strongest support system I could ever have in this life, and I could not ask for more. When I reflected my actions on what happened, I think the bottom line is that what I did was not wrong.

I'm not writing this to gain sympathy or pityness but simply a means of letting my mind do the talking. Think of it as an RV (relief valve) moment. When there are times of overpressure, it 'pops' to relieve it and things will get to normal, at least for now. I've been told that things will get better in time. Well, it better be true.

Now, two happenings are awaiting. One is my turnaround (TA) of the refinery I'm working in. It starts on the 29th Nov till 3rd Jan 2010. Secondly is another significant date which is coming in about what, 37 days or so? That date surely makes my mind ponder. In the end, only He knows best...

Till the next post...